I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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