Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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