He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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