he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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