I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think i have two assholes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
