Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish you could order shots online.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
