Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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