I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We got so high we made milksteak
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
