thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Too much gin, very little bucket
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
