Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
