i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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