i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
