u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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