I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
