my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
