worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
