He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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