sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
