I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
