I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Couch. On fire.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
