I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
