Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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