Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
