I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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