puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
