I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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