Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
