Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize