He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you had me at cake vodka
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
