You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
