can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He shit in the fireplace
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
