she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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