So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
this will be a night to untag.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
