your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
