I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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