he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
