So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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