I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
