Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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