that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize