apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Go christen that room with your naked body.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
