I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
