So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
