Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
