She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
