onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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