put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
