And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
