did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
