After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I need moral support for this bender
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
