My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
