if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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