so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
