I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
