Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Congratulations! We have a period
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