Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
