I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just googled if crying burns calories
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
