there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
