My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
