I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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