she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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