Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
