Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
