Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Mom said you looked used
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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