omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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