If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
