Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
