he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize